he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
