that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
