No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
