I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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