Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
