I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
