I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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