listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
