i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish you could order shots online.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
