Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
