So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
