You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
