shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
