The best revenge is premature balding
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
