Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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