God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
