I accidentally had phone sex last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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