Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
