Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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