who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
