i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
