Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
