I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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