i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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