She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
