his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
