Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
