The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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