Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
