Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
