I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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