The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
