i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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