You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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