Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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