his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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