I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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