when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
