you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
