using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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