Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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