well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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