I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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