I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
