You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
