My hand turned me down
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
