Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
