good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
