I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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