There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
